When You Shouldnt Fight to Save Your Marriage

When You Shouldn't Fight to Save Your Marriage Relationships Spouses & Partners Marital Problems Print Is Your Marriage Actually Worth Saving? By Sheri Stritof Sheri Stritof has written about marriage and relationships for 20 years. Shes the co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book. Learn about our editorial policy Sheri Stritof Medically reviewed by Medically reviewed by Carly Snyder, MD on January 29, 2020 facebook twitter linkedin Carly Snyder, MD is a reproductive and perinatal psychiatrist who combines traditional psychiatry with integrative medicine-based treatments.   Learn about our Medical Review Board Carly Snyder, MD on January 29, 2020  People Images/Getty Images More in Relationships Spouses & Partners Marital Problems LGBTQ Violence and Abuse Marriage can be a blessing, but it can also break your heartâ€"especially if you think youve reached the end of the road. Theres no easy path to the decision to divorce, and the journey through uncoupling is different for everyone. If youre wondering if its time to throw in the towel, you need to determine if your marriage is going through a rough patch or if your relationship is so toxic that its truly time to end it. Only you know the answer to the question of whether youre better off staying married or getting a  divorce. Sometimes marriage is worth saving and sometimes it isnt. Abuse Is a Deal Breaker   While there are many who believe that the only deal breaker in a marriage is physical abuse, others believe some marriages just shouldnt survive when theres serial infidelity and/or emotional or physical abuse.?? This type of unhealthy, incompatible marriage is likely unsalvageable and needs to end. Although the reality is that divorce is hard, for many its harder, more painful, and actually dangerous to live disconnected and disengaged emotionally from an abusive spouse. Indeed, the toll negative relationships take on physical health can be huge. Some research suggests that chronically negative or abusive relationships can even shorten your lifespan. Dont Wait for a Sign to Leave Its a difficult and heavy choice to jump ship and end your marriage, but when youre fighting a losing battle or are feeling trapped and powerless in a marriage that could ultimately cause you harm, dont wait for a sign out of the blue to tell you to stay or to leave.   When its time to leave a bad relationship, chances are  youll knowâ€"youll feel it in your gut. If youre still wavering, ask yourself whats still good about your marriage and what isnt.  Listen to your inner voice and dont let a fear of the unknown keep you in a troubled marriage. Professional counseling can help you make it through this painful journey out of a dysfunctional relationship.?? Reasons Not to Fight to Save Your Marriage In no particular order, here are behaviors that can often get worse and ultimately can lead to divorce: Inability to compromiseDifferent goals or outlooks on lifeRepeated issuesExcessive spendingContinual lies, untrustworthyVery controlling over money, friends, etc.Playing the blame gameLack of empathyNo sense of responsibilityA sexless marriage, lack of affection or intimacyConstant criticismSerial unfaithfulnessDoesnt believe in monogamyBigamy or other criminal behaviorWont apologize for mistakes, has no remorse or regretUnwilling to try to save the marriageDenial of an addiction, refusal to seek helpAbuseLack of respect, contempt for each otherShifting priorities, such as whether or not to have children?? How to Know When Divorce Is the Right Move